April Fools Actually Sucks

I’ve never successfully pulled-off an April Fool’s Day prank myself, because I’m not an asshole. April Fools! I suppose I am kind of an asshole (who isn’t these days?) but I still don’t really get the appeal of dedicating an entire day to often cruel trickery. After all, what is actually “practical” about a practical joke? Nothing! It’s just mean, guys!

There were some pretty elaborate, large-scale April Fools pranks last year. I seem to recall Jimmy Kimmel airing a clip where Donald Trump announced that his entire bid for presidency was actually one big prank. A similar ruse played out on Twitter, with many individual users announcing the same thing. But, alas, our hopes were dashed. It wasn’t a joke, it was terrifyingly real, and now we’re dealing with the consequences.

These days, it kind of seems like current political events are just one big prank. An unfunny and ongoing joke with no punchline. What if tomorrow we woke up and climate change deniers actually admitted that their stance was untenable and destructive? What if Donald Trump announced on Twitter, in plain language, that his constant claims that any media outlet that criticizes him is “fake news” was just a tactic for discrediting dissenting sources and strengthening his propaganda machine? What if? WHAT IF?!

Unfortunately, this seems pretty lofty. We’re kind of in a death spiral here, and as much as I hope and think and strategize, it’s becoming ever the more difficult to see a way out.

But anyways, all of this doom and gloom shouldn’t stop you from saran-wrapping your roommate’s toilet or replacing the water in your Brita with vodka. Knock yourselves out with childish pranks. Get your jollies however you can–anything to distract ourselves from the undeniable horror that lies before us.

This is the world we live in people. I guess it’s time we get used to it. But seriously, what the actual fuck is going on?