Old Folks Love Getting High

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Don’t be fooled by popular narratives about how smoking weed is “just a phase” and you’ll “grow out of it one day.” As it turns out, old folks love getting high just as much as the young bucks. Or perhaps even more so…

A study published in the Society For The Study Of Addiction back in October showed that the retirement aged population wasn’t just sitting around knitting sweaters. Or, rather, it showed that maybe they were getting high as fuck before knitting that sweater (come on, how else would they have the patience and attention for such an arduous task?)

Sarah Hagi writes for Broadly that the study shows a “50 percent increase in cannabis use in adults aged 50-64 and a whopping 250 percent increase in use in adults older than 64.” Basically, this research dispels myths that our elderly population isn’t interested in smoking reefer.

Personally, I don’t find this information all that surprising. Of course fogies are getting stoned! What else would they be doing? They’re in their golden years; kids are out of the house, responsibilities are dwindling, why not light up a doobie and just plain relax!

This philosophy falls in line with my own approach to old age. I decided quite some time ago that the time for experimenting with hard recreational drug use is when you’re closest to death!

The grandpa from the movie “Little Miss Sunshine” kind of inspired me down this train of thought. Okay, so that dude overdosed on heroin right before his granddaughter’s beauty pageant performance: maybe it’s not the most honorable way to go. But, honestly, why wouldn’t I wanna try shooting dope when I’m, like, ninety years old.

What would I have to lose? Best case scenario: I hate it and think “Wow, I’m glad I never wasted my youth trying this stuff…” and worst case scenario: I love it and become briefly consumed and addicted before my, very timely and well-deserved, death. Boom, that’s how you win at life!

I kid, I kid; not by any means trying to be flippant about the very serious opioid addiction problems that face our nation. So, let’s get back to pot, shall we?

Basically this study that was published proved that grown ass adults smoking weed is a hell of a lot more common than you might think. So sit back, relax, and wait for old age to kick in. Because then you can forget about the paranoia about your parents finding out you’re high, and just chill with some good old fashioned Mary Jane.