Let's Just Watch Mariah Carey

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Celebrity and Real Human Being (?) Mariah Carey has recently launched her very own reality TV show, and gee willikers am I excited to see what happens here.

MiMi is one of the world’s premiere divas–known for her ability to both hit the high notes and the low blows (especially when it comes to rival songstresses).  When asked about a rumored feud with Jennifer Lopez, this woman point blank denied even having heard of her contemporary! “I don’t know her,” said Mariah. Damn girl, yes.

Now, Mariah has decided to let each and every one of us into her heart and her home with the installment of “Mariah’s World” on Bravo. Yes, we will be able to catch Mariah as she engages in all of her “moments.” From the absolutely mundane, to the totally fabulous.

Mariah’s camp insists that this isn’t a reality TV show; it is a “docu-series,”—a nonsensical distinction that one can only assume that they’re harping on in an attempt to market the show as something marginally above the desperate ploy for attention that it so clearly is.  

Like any true diva, Mariah lounges almost all of the time. All of her one-on-ones with the camera take place with her splayed out on a daybed or chaise lounge, wearing outrageous outfits.

In one promo for the show, Mariah is merely wearing a black corset, she announces proudly to the world that she doesn’t really have the knowhow or interests of a normal person: “I’d rather make everything fun…” she gleefully states, stilettos poised on the edge of the seat, ”is this a normal outfit for people to wear? I don’t know. But I’m at home and this is what I wear!”

Now this is entertainment. One of the most hilarious aspects of the premise of this series is that people actually care about what goes on behind closed doors in Mariah Carey’s life…I would argue that nobody really gives two shits. But if you put it on a screen, goddammit we’ll watch it!

Personally, I can’t wait to see what shenanigans this starlet gets herself into. Sure, there’s something partially grotesque about feeding off of the trials and tribulations of an individual’s innermost affairs, and watching with bated breath as their personal life crumbles (Mariah ended up breaking an engagement during the course of filming)…but extreme times call for extreme measures.

It’s Mimi’s world, babies, we’re just living in it.