Anthony Weiner Strikes Again

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Anthony Weiner is a brilliant politician. He’s also a fucking trainwreck who literally can not keep his dick in his pants. In 2011, after a whirlwind run as a young, emboldened, and extremely effective congressman, Weiner was ousted for his numerous digital infidelities, during which he sent photos of his erect penis and other explicit text messages to several women. After denying the allegations outright, he was forced to resign.

Now, all of this is certainly enough fodder to land the guy in a perpetual position of butt-of-the-joke! But I would be remiss to fail to mention that he was also cursed with one of the most unfortunate and fitting last names to match his countless infidelities: just think of all the puns that “Weiner” has allowed us. This serendipitous surname didn’t stop him, however, from creating one of the most notorious internet pseudonyms under which to conduct his extramarital endeavors: Carlos Danger.

Carlos Goddamn Danger. LOL.

Now, that sounds like the end of a story, doesn’t it? For Weiner, though, it was only the beginning of a series of scandals which have ended with the most troubling one of all—that he engaged in this same type of behavior with a girl who was only fifteen years old (information which he allegedly knew at the time of his indiscretion).

And the plot, somehow, thickens. Weiner’s estranged wife, Huma Abedin, is one of Hillary Clinton’s closest and longest-running aides. When Weiner came under investigation for his latest offense, the computer that the couple shared was scanned for his correspondences. This reopened the persistent scandal regarding Hillary Clinton’s private server and deleted emails.

Way to go, Weiner.

Honestly, I don’t quite understand why Weiner doesn’t just fly his freak flag proudly! Instead of repeatedly denouncing his behavior as “poor judgement” and vowing that he will not digress again, perhaps he should just tell the truth: that he’s a hot-blooded voyeurist who gets off on the idea that what he’s doing is illicit.

This most recent display has left him with almost no cards left to play to salvage his image, so he’s announced that he is attending rehab for what he and his camp describe as sex addiction. The facility he is attending is a “recovery ranch” that separates men and women (which seems arbitrary, but that’s a story for another day…) and prohibits cellphone use.

The scenic center is tucked away outside Nashville, Tenn. and replete with views of rolling hills, a pond, natural rock landscaping, and a “a state-of-the-art equestrian center equipped with lights, heated water and a ¾ bath, as well as 12 stalls, a wash area and a vet area for the equine partners.”

AND NOW, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, ANTHONY WEINER IS AT A SEX REHAB CENTER IN TENNESSEE, RIDING A FUCKING HORSE AS A FORM OF “EQUINE THERAPY” FOR HIS ADDICTION. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

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