Trump's Plan for Syria Includes New Line of T-Shirts, Hats

In an unexpected move, President Donald Trump released a statement early Tuesday which revealed to the media and the country as a whole his plan for military intervention in Syria, which includes a new line of commemorative t-shirts and baseball caps, with an even larger merchandising rollout expected in the weeks to come.

“Our military action in Syria is a show of American strength, fortitude, and leadership,” the statement reads. “What better way to show solidarity with our President and the men and women of our armed forces than to bind together and prove the power of the American spirit and the American dollar?”

Available for purchase on Trump’s website for $39.99, the t-shirts feature a stern American bald eagle flying over a waving American flag, emblazoned with the phrase “Stand Up For Syria,” and are available in navy blue, red, and heather gray. The caps, priced at $34.99, boast the same phrase and are reminiscent of Trump’s “Make America Great Again” hats, but include a $10 personalization option to “signify the date on which you began supporting the President’s military action unconditionally.”

“This very fairly priced and beautifully designed merchandise will not only bring the people of our country closer, but signify to the world that when times get tough, Americans know how to respond,” the statement continued. “The 100 percent cotton-polyester blend ensure that you’ll stay cool while supporting our troops overseas, while the signature caps will show your family, friends, and neighbors that you’ve fully bought in.”

Emboldened by the positive response from media members and average Americans alike to the initial airstrikes last week, Trump’s statement hinted at further merchandise soon to be available for purchase, including “mugs, mousepads, keychains, commemorative coins, and a few more secret, specialty items I think you and your family are going to love.”

Made by Cool Custom Collectibles & Fire Pits in Derry, Pa., the items were designed to highlight American imagery while staying true to the president’s brand and messaging.

“The president is such an excellent marketer,” Cool Custom Collectibles founder and CEO Peter Howell told Wet Socks. “We tried to maintain his message while throwing in touches of our own designers that make this stuff extra neat.”

The statement offered no specific details as to the scale or type of intervention planned, but that military action was being prepared “behind the scenes” by “the very best people in our military and government.” At press time the White House could not be reached for further comment.

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