Massaging Away Trump Anxieties

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The prospect of a Donald Trump presidency is becoming more and more realistic by the day, turning stomachs and chilling spines nationwide.

Watching the collective anxiety of the rational electorate grow, Brooklyn-based massage therapist Darcy Stockton decided to inject a little fun into the looming terror by creating the “Moneybags Massage,” a luxurious body experience designed to “Make Your Muscles Great Again” and relieve Trump-related stress.

She also offers the “99% Massage,” a quicker and less extravagant experience “fit for the most social Vermonter”–and is donating 20 percent of the proceeds from both offerings to the Bernie Sanders campaign.

BTRtoday spoke with Stockton about her inspiration for the massages, why she supports Sanders, and whether or not she’d massage Trump himself.

BTRtoday (BTR): What inspired you to create the Moneybags Massage?

Darcy Stockton (DS): A few weeks ago in the Washington Post there was an article about how psychotherapists and massage therapists are reporting an uptick in Trump anxiety. I saw the article and thought that it made sense. I can understand being anxious about having Donald Trump as the potential president of the United States. But the article title was kind of absurd in a way, and I just thought, “Well, if that’s really a thing, what can I do to get in on that?”

BTR: What makes the Moneybags Massage different from a run-of-the-mill massage?

DS: The Moneybags Massage is a two-hour massage, which is a little bit longer than most regular massages. And it’s got some fun aroma treatments. The Moneybags Massage uses a money-scented perfume oil, and it also comes with a peppermint foot massage and a sweet orange scalp massage. And there’s sort of an optional service at the end where you can have your legs and arms treated with gold glitter oil. It’s all just fun, to go along with the theme.

BTR: What has the reaction been like?

DS: I’ve gotten a lot of press, and I’ve seen some comments online, and a lot of shares among right-wing posters on different news sites. There’s been a couple of takers so far.

BTR: Why do you think people need to de-stress from Trump’s campaign?

DS: There are many reasons–a lot of the very scary, racist rhetoric that has come up, and also the fact that when he does a rally or is asked a question, he’ll answer it with a very inflammatory response. And then later, when someone tries to ask him about his remarks, his response is always something along the lines of, “I heard the question wrong,” or he’ll outright deny what he said.

Honestly, he’s a liar, and it’s pretty scary that someone who is so narcissistic and so out for himself might be our president. I know that I personally worry about foreign policy issues, and some of those things are kind of frightening, and that might be another reason why people need to de-stress.

BTR: Do you find yourself struggling with Trump anxiety?

DS: I do, actually. I think the longer this campaign goes on, the more I get anxious that this might become a reality. But at the same time, no one has really done enough to stop it. There’s been talk of the Republican party breaking up to stop him from getting the GOP nomination, but that’s it.

BTR: Do you think there are any positive aspects of Trump’s campaign?

DS: It’s very scary, but if there’s anything to take away from it, it might bring an end to the two-party system. It’s hard to say right now, but I think that’s the one positive thing that could happen.

BTR: What would you do if Donald Trump walked in and asked for a Moneybags Massage?

DS: Well, he needs to know that 20 percent of it goes to Bernie Sanders’ campaign, but I’d do it. Technically, under the licensing law, I’m not allowed to turn anyone away as a licensed healthcare professional. Unless he was inappropriate, in which case I’d take the money and tell him to get the heck out.

BTR: Do you think Trump has a legitimate shot at winning the presidency?

DS: I think it depends on who he’s running against. If you think about a good portion of the country, they will vote for a GOP candidate regardless of who’s running. So I do think it’s a fairly strong possibility that he will be the next president. I’m kind of getting Trump anxiety thinking about it. Maybe I need a Moneybags Massage.

BTR: What would you do if Trump was elected president?

DS: I’d have to stick it out for now. I’m a dual citizen of Italy, so I can always move to Europe. If I really felt like I had to, that would be my first move.

BTR: As you mentioned, 20 percent of the Moneybags Massage profits, as well as the 99% Massage, go to the Bernie Sanders campaign. Why do you support Sanders?

DS: I really think he speaks for the common man. He’s a Democrat who cares about the common man. He’s been consistent in regards to his views on issues throughout his entire career. Honestly I believe he’s the only progressive that’s running, and it’s evident from when he talks and when you see him that he cares about the common man and where we come from because that’s who he is. He comes from a working class family. He’s not a millionaire or a billionaire trying to get votes or putting enough out there to be sold like other politicians.