Talk To Your Ex About Sex

The first guy to make me squirt was my second boyfriend. Boy howdy was I surprised.

I was on my hands and knees and couldn’t see what he was doing. Later, I tried replicating it with another boyfriend and it didn’t go as well. I couldn’t figure out precisely what the former man did down there and it bothered me to no end. So I asked him to explain, in detail, his technique. I then relayed the information to new boyfriends so that they could do the same.

In honor of Masturbation May, sex toy retailer Lovehoney surveyed 4,500 people about their solo sex habits. Fifty-eight percent of the men and 48 percent of the women reported fantasizing about former partners while they masturbate. This is not surprising, since your ex isn’t erased from existence the second you break up. But your ex can play another important role in your sex life, which is as a teacher for your current partner.

This is, of course, assuming that your partner was good in bed and you parted on positive enough terms. Just because the relationship didn’t last doesn’t mean you should have to give up ever squirting again.

Genitalia can be gnarly and difficult to navigate. What you see when you look down during masturbation, or in the mirror, is different than what your partner sees. Vulvas are particularly tricky because most of the bits are internal (including most of the clitoris). With oral, for example, it’s hard to see what your partner is doing when their face is buried in your folds and flappy bits.

Of course, ideally you would have asked your partner in the moment what they just did to make your toes curl. But we’re only beginning to get comfortable with talking openly about sex and many couples don’t talk about the sex they’re currently having. What if they’re offended? What if you let slip some kink you’re embarrassed to admit? What if they admit you’re lousy in bed? Even “hey, that felt really good. What, pray tell, did you do exactly?” is fraught with embarrassment.

The next-best solution is communicating after your relationship is over. Reaching out and telling someone they rocked your sexual world in some way is nothing but a compliment. If you want to get off again in the way that only your last beau was able to accomplish, call them up. “Hello, how’s it going? How did you make me ejaculate like that? Also how’s the family?”