Natural Sex Is Bad Sex

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“Let’s just let it happen naturally” is a terrible idea and anyone who employs such a response when you tell them what you like and don’t like is at worst a terrible person and at best an ignorant person. “Let’s just let it happen naturally” is code for “I wanna do what I wanna do and if you happen to orgasm along the way then great.”

An oft-touted metaphor from the mostly stellar sex advice columnist Dan Savage is that the human body is the only instrument we are expected to know how to play without any practice. We aren’t given anything resembling comprehensive sex education in school and are therefore left bereft of any clue as to how to touch someone’s genitalia in a pleasurable way. The closest we get is being taught is that we are allowed to say “no” if someone wants to do anything sexual and even that is, unsurprisingly and depressingly, not a guaranteed lesson.

Romantic comedies and their ilk like to mock people who talk in bed. Romantic comedies and their ilk are peddling blatant falsehoods and a mediocre time in bed for what my very scientific estimations say are most sexually active adults. Talk in bed. Talk, talk, talk some more. It’s sexy as all hell for someone to ask what you want them to do to you and it’s equally as gratifying to be told, in very explicit terms, what someone wants from you.

If you “let it happen naturally” you end up with numb limbs because being natural doesn’t include mentioning that your foot is falling asleep beneath the weight of your partner. You end up with painful genitalia because you didn’t mention that you needed lube the entire time. If you’re like the vast majority of women who can’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, you might not orgasm at all because your partner (particularly if male) didn’t think to include clitoral stimulation on the “natural” menu.

Maybe you have incredible chemistry with your partner right off the bat. Maybe no words need be spoken about where to put fingers and when. But even with amazing chemistry, everyone is a unique flower and deserves to be treated as such. And if you are a “natural sex” wingnut, think of all the incredible sexual acts you could be having if you just opened up your mouth and asked your partner what they want you to do.

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