If you’ve recently questioned your sanity after thinking you may OR MAY NOT have seen “chicken meeting” flyers and other anti-chicken/rat propaganda posted around the hood, stop rubbing your eyes in disbelief. You are not hallucinating.
A community garden in the Slope recently brought 8 new chickens into their urban coop, and some peeps are pretty pissed about it — 160 to be exact. This is the number of people who signed a petition citing concern about noise and the attraction of rats to the garden, which was the magic number for a rep from the local city council to hold a Chicken Meeting to resolve the issue. The chickens aren’t even here to stay, PS — they’re just visiting from Govenors Island. And yet here we are.
At the gathering, locals will have the opportunity to “meet the hens” and to speak with “a rat expert who will tell us if hens attract rats,” according to a flyer.
Meet the hens? Rat expert? No. Fuckin’. Way. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.
The meeting was held yesterday and, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to attend, so I’ve taken the liberty of imagining what type of shit went down at the coop based on these awesome photos taken by one of my fellow FIPSters (said FiPSter claims that she couldn’t hear a damn thing at this meeting, otherwise we’d have more to report. My guess is that the chickens were the noisy culprit).
OK, so here’s what I imagine went down during the “Meet the hens” portion:
Angry Park Slope Resident: I’ve been told I need to meet you.
Hen: Bck Bck
APSR: I just wanted to say that we’re all very unhappy that you’re here. (Looks around, angrily makes eye contact with the hens)
Hen: Bck Bck
APSR: Uggghhhhhh, your incessant clucking is unbearable.
Hen: Bck Bck Bck
APSR: Stop it!
APSR: I know what you’re doing.
Hen: Bck? (tilts head innocently)
APSR: You’re disgusting and I’m SURE you’re attracting rats.
Hen: Bck bagaaawkkk.
APSR: Oh NO you did NOT just say that to me. Alright. Alright. You just wait. We’ve brought in a rat EXPERT. You’re all goin’ down.
Hen is still confused.
Here’s what I imagine is going on in the above photo:
Old guy in blue to the right with his palms face up and mouth wide open, clearly screaming: What is this? A fahhhhm town? Whadda we need so many chickens fah? It’s ridiculous. Today it’s 8, tomarrah it’s 800. Whadda we gonna do when thea’s eight HUNDRED chickens all ovah the place. WHAT THEN??
Old woman in hot pink cardigan, dead center of the photo with hand on chin, thinks to herself: Oh my he’s right. Could you imagine? The eggs alone would bury us all.
Person raising hand doesn’t get to say anything because s/he was the only one polite enough to raise their hand to speak, and everyone else just yelled the whole time. But if s/he did, s/he would’ve asked why it went from 8 to 800 chickens so quickly, as they’re chickens, not rabbits.
Anywho, since I wasn’t there, I’d love to hear what actually went down yesterday.
Did the rat expert really know his/her rat facts? If so, did their expertise include cartoon/entertainment industry rats or just regular nasty city rats? Do you have a picture of them being all expert-y (if so, please post it)? Did the chickens actually cause more rat problems or was everyone just being a bunch of little bitches? Were you able to hear anything over the loudness of the chickens, or were the chickens polite enough to hold their clucking in between people speaking?
So many questions! Please — if you were at this meeting — share your knowledge.
UPDATE: The New York Times did its due diligence and attended the meeting, reporting that it was often loud and profane. Damn, we shoulda been there. Here’s what they concluded:
“Still, the opponents’ efforts may come to nothing. Because it is on privately owned land, the garden has a legal right to keep the chickens until April when they will return to Governors Island, according to Mr. Levin’s office. By meeting’s end, however, most attendees appeared to agree that they wanted to honor the spirit, rather than the letter, of the deed to the land, which stipulates that the garden is privately owned but for public use. Garden members said that, because of the community outcry, they would hold a vote on the chickens’ fate and would invite residents to join the garden so they could participate.”
Courtesy of Fucked in Park Slope.