Yes, You Should Cheat On OkCupid Match Questions

The OkCupid intelligence questions have never made sense to me. STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to … who cares? They can look that nonsense up. Unless OkCupid wants to be a dating service for Ivy hopefuls (whatup, The League), it’s pointless to match people according to how well they would do on the SATs.

If you’re answering the “what’s next in this series of numbers” question, I know you’re already on the internet. Why oh why would you not check your answer?

The questions are designed to measure compatibility. Some argue that means you should answer the intelligence questions “honestly,” meaning without looking up the answers. But why? So people can screen their dates for Kaplan potential? Those people surely exist but they have no way of knowing if the person cheated.

So, just accept the cheating. Embrace it. Checking the answer says this person wants to get it right and is intelligent enough to make sure. I want a mate who thinks to look that stuff up. Someone who remembers we’ve had this thing called the internet for a while now. Someone who knows how to use 21st century resources to exist in 2017.

I can’t believe how many times I tell people to meet me somewhere in the city we both live, communicating from smartphone to smartphone, only for them to ask “where is it,” “what subway line do I need to take.” My answer is a passive aggressive screenshot of the directions that I just. Googled. For. Them.

It really doesn’t matter if you can get a 2400 on the SATs. It matters if you can look at your phone and search for directions. Hell, it matters if it even occurs to you to look up directions instead of floundering and wondering why you’re lost.

The real compatibility tests are the politics questions, the sex questions, and the lifestyle questions. The stuff that may actually cause a turbulent breakup when they’re found out. Like the dating app that sorts British people according to how they voted on Brexit. A much more logical metric than “if you turn a left-handed glove inside out, which hand does it fit on?” Whichever hand you can cram your fingers into is the answer.

The exception to the rule is: “which is bigger, the sun or the earth?” With this, it doesn’t matter if you were smart to find out the answer. If you had to Google that shit then you should not be reproducing. Also whenever I see someone answered “earth” I generally assume they picked it for the lolz and that is just obnoxious. Either way, this question is pointless.