Why I’ve Seen ‘Ocean’s 8’ Four Times (And Counting)

I’ve haven’t seen Ocean’s 8 eight times yet but it’s possible. I’ve seen it four times and I’ll definitely watch it again.

This year, our country #MeTooed itself so much we finally realized we can’t trust basically any of the powerful men whose work we’ve loved. Ocean’s 8 is a welcome relief. It’s sexy without being sexual. It’s full of strong, competent women and few men. It’s not pandering, they don’t high five each other and go “you go girl!” every scene. They just are powerful women and the story doesn’t need more male characters to make it work.

Given the dearth of movies with a superb Bechdel score (did the story’s female characters talk to each other about something not a man?), of course I’ve gone to see this movie so many times. It passes the test and is a really, really good movie. I wanna watch a story like that as many times as I can.

The only reason I haven’t seen the movie every day since its release is MoviePass, who changed their terms of service after I published my story on seeing Pitch Perfect 3 nine times. Now, you can only see four movies a month and you can’t go to the same movie more than once. I’m not saying MoviePass changed their rules because of my story but I’m not also not saying that they didn’t.

Still, I’m more than willing to fork over $10 per ticket to the Williamsburg Cinema to watch eight women with big dick energy moan and sigh over their own criminal savvy. And I’ll moan right along with them.

The first time I saw it I was with two of my closest friends. We were already creaming our seats about 15 minutes into the story, right around when Debbie Ocean begins casually shoplifting from Bergdorf Goodman. I’ve never shoplifted, but I felt truly inspired in this moment to change careers. It wasn’t just me and my friends having this reaction — the entire theater was filled with luxurious groaning as we watched this group of talented women. They’re good at what they do and they know it. That’s hot.

I need to see Cate Blanchett as Debbie Ocean’s right hand criminal Lou, in a blazer and tie, straddling a motorcycle, every day of my life. I need her flicking her lighter on and off in that arousing way while Debbie Ocean explains the heist using her crime PowerPoint. I need Rihanna as Hacker Nine Ball fingering her nine ball computer mouse. I need a cigarette.

The second time I saw it with another friend and boy, did it hold up. This time, I knew all the big twists and surprises but it didn’t matter. Heist movies are all about the details. They always have sexy details you miss the first time but pick up the third, fourth or tenth time, like the expertise with which Debbie Ocean applies lipstick as she leaves prison in the opening sequence, or the skill Mindy Kaling employs to take apart a six-pound, $150 million diamond necklace in a bathroom.

The third time was all for me. I saw it alone and spent the whole time relaxed with the knowledge that everything goes okay and there’s never a mean girls moment between the women.

The fourth time, I saw it with my mother. What if we quit our jobs and embarked on a life of mother-daughter crime? Cartier, here we come.