We said it last time and we’ll say it again: you shouldn’t watch tonight’s debate. There’s a World Series game, Thursday night football, any number of cable shows, and virtually the entire streaming universe available to you. Quite literally anything would be better than watching Donald Trump and Joe Biden yell past each other about nothing for two hours. It might as well have been a year and a half ago, but do you remember the first debate?
Still, we know you didn’t click this link because you’re not gonna watch. You’re going to no matter how much it hurts. And you know what? We empathize. I mean, where else but America can you dissociate in front of a television while two old men with melting brains offer garbled visions of the country’s future?
If you played by the rules in our last presidential debate drinking game you probably wouldn’t still be with us right now. This time around, though, we’ve designed the perfect game to help with your dissociation and maybe, possibly, hopefully make this gongshow a little more … fun? Okay, that’s a stretch. Just drink.
(Note: BTRtoday does not take responsibility for your inebriated decisions or political affiliations.)
Take a Drink If …
Any of the following words/phrases are used (by either candidate): job killer/kill jobs; empathy; radical Democrats; Marxists; Antifa; Black Lives Matter; Joe Biden’s/Donald Trump’s America; here’s the deal; folks; police reform; defund police; racism/systemic racism; America’s standing in the world.
Trump says he’s immune (or “might be” immune) to COVID-19. Something this batshit would normally belong in the “finish your drink” section, but we’d be shocked if Trump doesn’t jump at the chance to proclaim himself superhuman on live television.
Biden calls Trump irresponsible for exposing people to COVID-19. It’s a pretty easy attack because it’s true.
Biden brings up Trump’s Chinese bank account.
Trump says Biden’s “lost the Left.” This was a pretty clever attack maneuver from Trump during the first debate. Because he has no fixed ideology, he can swing around and punch Biden from the left whenever he feels like it. It seemed to unnerve Biden a bit last time, so expect him to set this rhetorical trap again.
Biden laughs in disbelief. Okay, listen: we don’t want you to drink every single time he does this, because then there would probably be a constant flow of alcohol into your body and that would be bad. Just do it the first time and use your discretion after that. We trust you. Kinda.
Trump complains about being muted. Both candidates will probably be upset about this at one point or another, but only one has the possibility of throwing a kindergarten-level rage fit over it.
Any mention of Rudy Giuliani is made. Just hearing the man’s name is enough. Drink.
Finish Your Drink If …
Biden purposely misconstrues his sons Hunter and Beau again. This was actually a neat trick by Biden to get out of answering Hunter-related queries in the first debate. That won’t be as easy this time, so if he goes back to the well, you do too.
Trump calls Biden a criminal. He did this the other day, so it’s not exactly a stretch, but it still feels significant enough that you should just finish your drink and maybe wait a couple minutes before pouring yourself a new one.
Trump basically calls Biden weak for not getting COVID-19. Remember, his campaign basically pivoted to this after the president’s diagnosis and hospital stay. Calling Biden a pussy on stage would be next level, but Trump’s not above it.
Chug The Entire Bottle If …
Trump doesn’t denounce white supremacy when asked. Okay, so he did this during his town hall last week. But still … stand back and stand by.
Biden embraces Medicare for All to own Trump about the socialized care he received at Walter Reed. What? Huh? Who put this here?