For the third year in a row, we’ve scoured candy aisles for sweet confections to rank Halloween candy. There are some familiar treats, new additions and a shakeup at the top sweet spot.
Our candy opinions are the result of painstaking scientific inquiry. The conclusions may blow minds and tear friendships apart. But we share them nonetheless, as the sweet truth needs to be told. Here is BTRtoday’s 2019 Definitive Halloween Candy Ranking.
Kids are bound to get a lot of these. That’s a shame. They’re pale chalky discs in twisty packaging that’s impossible to open without spilling.
23. Tootsie Rolls
Tootsie Rolls probably tasted better before other better candies were invented so the brown sticky logs couldn’t suffer by comparison. This is a true depression-era candy, and I’m not just talking about the Great Depression. They’re inherently sad.
22. Non-Candy Halloween Items
Every year, trick or treat bags fill up with fruits, chips, pretzels and other savory snacks that are far less tempting than candy. It’s a mystery why people buy them. Did you wait until the absolute last minute to go shopping for candy and figure the orange and black mini bags of Cheetos were “good enough”? Disgraceful.
21. Candy Corn
When people hate something as universally as they do candy corn, it’s usually fun to write a contrarian take about how that thing is actually good. Sadly, candy corn isn’t worth the effort. People hate it with passion or like it with a shrug.
20. 3 Musketeers
Most candy isn’t named for classic works of literature. But despite originating in the works of Alexandre Dumas, 3 Musketeers is merely an okay chocolate bar. It’s soft, fluffy goo encased in chocolate, a Milky Way lacking caramel.
19. Twizzlers (& other licorice)
I’m a sucker for licorice, but man does it stink to get it on Halloween. Even the sweeter cherry version of Twizzlers has a bleak aftertaste. They’re unfit for consumption outside of a movie theater.
18. Jolly Ranchers (& other suckers)
Sucking candy isn’t fun for anyone, but at least Jolly Ranchers give you that tooth-aching sweetness you never thought you needed. At the very least these are perfect fillers for change dishes around your house.
17. Milk Duds
A weirdly popular classic that’s probably a little too sticky for this high of a ranking. Plus you only get four in a box, which is either complete B.S. or true candy mercy.
16. Milky Way
We’re extending an olive branch to the Milky Way lovers with this ranking. The candy bar is brutally overrated and outperformed by its own branding. But there’s still a place for its fun sized version, especially if you pop ‘em in the freezer for a bit.
These are essentially the same candy so they’re lumped in together, although Crunch deserves recognition for superior branding. Who doesn’t love chocolate with rice puffs?
14. Pixie Sticks
Pixie sticks are simple yet effective. They’re not particularly great, but there’s just something fun about paper tubes full of flavored sugar.
13. Eyeball Chocolates
This ranking is almost entirely based on seasonal packaging, but don’t sleep on the chocolatey goodness. These little peepers taste like straight Nesquik.
This comes down to whether you like coconut or not. Like Woody Harrelson, taste isn’t the problem for me—it’s the consistency.
11. Tootsie Pops
The unassailable lollipop cousin of Tootsie Rolls are a Halloween staple. Make like Mr. Owl—chomp into that caramelized sugar and enjoy your Halloween.
A timeless classic. These were lumped in with Skittles last year, but that just isn’t fair to M&Ms.
9. Reese’s Pieces
Reese’s Pieces are M&Ms with peanut butter inside of them instead of M&M filling. The only knock against them is when people call them ree-sees pee-sees. Don’t let them tell you it’s a regional accent. No matter where you’re from, it’s wrong.
The ultimate pop-in-your-mouth candy. Also, a little piece of Willy Wonka come to life. An extra thousand million bonus points if they come in rope form.
7. Sour Patch Kids
Perhaps the most egregious error from last year’s list. These sour-to-sweet chewy candies are a Halloween cornerstone. We prefer a whole bag, but who doesn’t? Take the mini version with like five pieces inside and enjoy.
Ranked No. 1 last year, Snickers takes a fall because it’s just a little too much. Fun sized versions are perfect, but too much peanut in a tiny candy square can overwhelm. Forever a classic, but not tops this year.
Another bad omission from last year. Starburst’s Halloween value is based almost entirely on what combo you get in the little two-packs. But the sheer possibility of getting two pinks jolts this newcomer into the top five. By the way, Starburst flavors from best to worst: pink, yellow, orange, red. Don’t @ me.
4. Kit Kat
Kit Kats are a candy classic and were shickingly omitted from the list last year. It turns out the only thing that pisses off Kit Kat fans more than leaving them off a Halloween candy ranking is a video of someone biting into Kit Kats wrong. So here’s a video of the second thing.
Marshawn Lynch approved. Turns out Skittles are all the same flavor, but our brain tricks us into thinking they’re different. And to that I say, who cares? They’re the best kind of fruity candy around, from their crunchy exterior to their colorful candy paint. Stock up on as many mini bags as you can get your hands on.
Twix is the best candy bar ever created. Cookie plus caramel plus chocolate equals nothing but greatness. And the fact that you get two (2) bars per wrapper makes this an open-and-shut case.
1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
No surprise here. Whether it’s full-sized cups or the mini versions more common on Halloween, the peanut butter-chocolate combo is untouchable. Congrats to our new champ.