The Coming Chaos of Alexa-Enabled Sex Toys

One of the least sexy things I can imagine is telling Alexa to turn on my partner’s buttplug.

But if you have an erotic interest in Amazon’s Alexa, you’re in luck. Bluetooth-enabled smart toy company Lovense plans to connect Bluetooth sex toys to the Echo, the device Alexa operates on.

Lovense told The Sun that users will be able to tell Alexa to control their vibrators or to pair your toys to Spotify so they’ll vibrate along to your music.

Of course, Bluetooth sex toys and the Echo are not without their flaws. In fact, it seems that a lot of things could go wrong here.

For starters, some evil, horny genius could use Alexa to hack your buttplug. I know how crazy that sounds but it’s a real threat. Penetration testers—people who test how hackable new technology is, get your mind out of the gutter—have proven that Lovense’s Bluetooth buttplug, the Hush, is vulnerable to outside interference. While Alexa has privacy protection, it can be hacked as well.

Hacking isn’t the only potential problem. Alexa could reveal sensitive information about your sex habits to a friend or acquaintance. An alarming news report from May recounted how Alexa recorded a family’s conversations and sent them to random people on the device owner’s contacts list. Now imagine it wasn’t recording a conversation but something much more intimate. Do you really want Jerry from Wisconsin to know how your bae likes to get sexed?

Then there’s Alexa’s refrain, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.” During sex is possibly the worst time for Alexa to mishear or simply not discern your request. This is a common problem with the Echo and similar devices like the Google Home, especially if you have an accent. Having to yell “MAKE SO AND SO MOAN” five different times in five different voices isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac. At that point, you could just turn the toy on by hand. Plus, then you could make out. Making out is way sexier than yelling.