The Bob Ross Sleep App Works, Trust Me

Podcasting has been around for over a decade in various forms. Audio nerds, content creators and eventually the general public have been devouring podcasts almost as long as the internet itself has been accessible to laypersons.

So how the heck did it take so long for someone to put Bob Ross into a sleep podcast? The internet’s favorite painter, the happy grandpa of anxious millennials, was destined to lull us into slumber with talk of happy trees and beautiful phthalo blues.

Finally, someone has. The sleep and meditation app Calm has put Ross’s painting lessons into podcast form. The app is programmed to shut off your sound and screen when the episode finishes so you don’t have to worry about it ending and your serenity breaking. All you have to do is lay back and listen.

Ross himself would have approved. Indeed, he was well aware of his soporific effect on his audience and had no issue with his sleepy fans. In 1990 he told the Orlando Sentinel, “the majority of our audience does not paint, has no desire to paint, will never paint. They watch it strictly for entertainment value or for relaxation.”

You would think that a show based on visual art wouldn’t lend itself to a listening medium but Boss Ross does. It’s not just about the painting; it’s about how it makes you feel. And in listening, you don’t have to have a TV on while you sleep. The sleep hygiene crowd can relax and enjoy.

A recent MRI found some alarming lesions on my brain. Since then, I’ve laid awake at night terrified of what is happening to my body, feeling like I did something wrong. But now, I hear Bob Ross telling me there are only happy accidents, no reason to apologize for mistakes, that I did nothing wrong.

Finally, I can sleep.