The left keeps tossing milkshakes, and the right is running scared.
Protesters pelted English far-right activist Tommy Robinson with two milkshakes in two days this month. Activists splashed Carl Benjamin (aka Sargon of Akkad) with a milkshake on May 13. A man hit Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage with a milkshake on Monday, and just yesterday protestors holding milkshakes surrounded Farage’s campaign bus.
Predictably, many on the right and center have cried foul. Today it’s milkshakes, they say, but tomorrow it’ll be acid. It’s quite a leap, considering that their side of the political spectrum is more likely to toss acid, craft terror plots or commit mass murder.
Milkshakes are perfect for tossing because they’re cold, thick and annoying as hell to clean up. But other food items would be great for flinging at fascists. Here are a few we hope to see soon.
The white supremacy metaphor here is perfect but it lacks the explosive impact of a paper cup filled with frothy cream. You’ll either need a large spatula to use as a catapult or a towel to wipe gobs of your bare hands.
Matzo balls seem obvious because of the anti-semitic implications, but they’re also well-suited for a food fight. What makes a better splat than wet bread?
There are some strong vaudeville vibes with house salad ingredients. Throwing rotten vegetables might seem a bit cliche, but there’s a reason why angry audiences tossed tomatoes and cabbage—they explode everywhere.
Slurpees are easy to find, cheap and cold. It’s the same combo that makes milkshakes great for tossing. And depending on the flavors available at your local 7-Eleven, things could get awfully colorful.
Okay, so maybe the Nazi metaphor of using a German condiment is too on the nose here. But sauerkraut’s weird smell and texture are perfect for tossing at a political opponent, especially if they resemble or sound like someone who might really enjoy mid-20th century German culture and history.
It’s cheap, bright orange and with a few good shakes it’ll explode. Practice your aim before unscrewing the cap, though—things are going to get awfully sticky.
Pies are a classic tossing food, and far from new in the political realm. Most recently, activists dressed as clowns pied German politician Beatrix von Storch because of her Islamophobic rhetoric. As long as there are no explosives or ammo underneath the crust, make like a clown and toss away.