Scotch is the Absolute Worst Liquor for Pods

Glenlivet just unveiled the newest way to consume its scotch. Or to make your laundry smell like scotch. We’re still not entirely sure which.

They’re small servings of Glenlivet scotch encased in edible capsules that strangely resemble Tide Pods. Mixed reactions to the invention poured in over the weekend. Whiskey snobs were offended by the removal of savory sipping. Internet environmentalists were upset about their wastefulness. And Glenlivet apologists were quick to point out that the capsules were made of seaweed and 100 percent biodegradable.

But the only appropriate reaction to the capsules was to make fun of them.

Pod-like capsules might work for a more social liquor like vodka or tequila—but scotch whiskey is gnarly. It’s the kind of liquor you drink while being pressured by rich in-laws. It’s not something you’d casually drink at a bar on a Saturday night. And it’s certainly not the type of liquor you’d pop casually into your mouth at a house party or pregame (unlike, say, Jello shots, which is exactly what these are).

Every brand wants to be the first to revolutionize its industry. Even a stuffy old scotch brand like Glenlivet feels pressure to innovate in 2019. But scotch doesn’t need to be reinvented. People won’t start drinking and enjoying it just because it comes in alcoholic gusher form. And Glenlivet risks alienating scotch snobs, the type of people who scoff at the thought of their favorite liquor being enjoyed casually at a party instead of studiously sipped and reflected upon.

But for once, the scotch snobs are right. Glenlivet capsules don’t come with the requisite life experiences or family trauma necessary to actually savor scotch. It’s a liquor in its own category of brutally disgusting, the kind that doesn’t need party pods to liven things up.

Or maybe we need a little more context.