Never Too Hungover Fails to Live Up to its Name

At BTRtoday, we love alcohol but hate hangovers. We’re always looking for a way to take hangovers out of the drinking equation. Sadly, that search has yet to uncover a satisfying result.

When the people at Never Too Hungover reached out with a hangover cure, we eagerly agreed.

The reviews and the drinks we enjoyed, were mixed. Staff writers Joe Virgillito and Elena Childers road tested Never Too Hungover and found the product were no match for the power of alcohol.

The Vodka Drinker

Never Too Hungover never had a chance. When we received our samples, it came with a card that read “Enjoy getting drunk & not feeling bad about it the next day!” It sounded like a challenge, so I took it as one. Armed with Prevention and Boost—the company’s before and after hangover elixirs—I drank an obscene amount of vodka at my neighbor’s surprise birthday party.

Both drinks felt and tasted like medicine. Both did nothing. I did catch a slight feeling of caffeination after drinking Boost the morning after, but otherwise, it was just your average world-ending hangover. My body ached. My head pounded. Regret filled me.

Never Too Hungover did the job in the sense that it gave me the illusion that I was doing enough. I rationalized every drink by telling myself “screw it, the hangover stuff will take care of it.” Even when the 5 a.m. pre-hangover head pangs set in—the perfect time to down your first glass of water, by the way—I chalked my recovery up to the magic drinks, which in the end failed me.

In fairness, nothing could have prevented the trainwreck of a hangover that followed. It was my body’s way of reminding me that my choices have consequences. Oh, you want to drink seven vodka-sodas over the course of two-hours? Enjoy these calf cramps and skull-splitting headache.

There isn’t a perfect cure for a hangover, and maybe there shouldn’t be. Just pop some aspirin, chug some water and suck it up. Or sleep. Sleep is good.

—Joe Virgillito

The Tequila Drinker

Let me just preface this with the fact that I had to Google, “how to not be hungover” the next day, which is already pretty sad. Then Google had to sass me with the response, “drink in moderation or not at all.”

This product did not work for me. I mean, I really put it to the test, but if it can’t cure the aftermath of taking four tequila shots in a row, then what’s the point? To sum up the gruesome details for you, the next day I debated bringing my laptop into the bathroom stall with me at work because I was throwing up so much.

However, there are multiple factors that could’ve played into why I was so hungover.

I knew the night was going to be soaked in tequila from the start. I was going to a show at a venue where I know most of the bartenders and the three bands that were playing were all my good friends. So, suffice to say I was doomed no matter what.

On this particular night, the more I drank the more I decided that this hangover cure thing was going to work, or at least make a difference. I probably had somewhere around four shots of tequila and four tequila-sodas. I didn’t get home until after four in the morning and I had just become a vegan. So my body was forced to deal with a sudden influx of alcohol at a time that it lacked sleep and protein. The day after was a struggle.

I’ve never been one to put my faith into something that claims to be a “hangover cure.” Even though Google threw some shade, I agree that the only hangover cure is to just not drink like a dumbass. Unfortunately, it’s pretty fun to drink like a dumbass every now and then, so people try to find cures for the consequences of their alcoholic actions.

I have now learned the hard way that there really just is no cure. You just have to tough it out and maybe learn how to barf quietly. Or if you’re not a dumbass or alcoholic, just drink in moderation or not at all…

—Elena Childers