Kimberly Guilfoyle is Screaming Into the Void

The Republican National Convention’s first night was as wild as predicted. A cast of unseemly characters trotted up to attack Joe Biden and Democrats. Everyone from the president’s son to Nikki Haley got in on the action. And former Fox News anchor/current Trump campaign official Kimberly Guilfoyle stole the show in the worst way possible.

Guilfoyle’s speech was, to put it lightly, absolutely bonkers. She warned that Democrats are (and will continue) destroying America—not exactly revolutionary messaging at this year’s RNC. The spectacle wasn’t what Guilfoyle said, but how she delivered it.

Guilfoyle spent her time bellowing full volume into a mostly empty convention hall, capping her speech with a crescendoing “the best … is yet … to come!” It was pure fascistic dystopian hellhole, and a pretty fine distillation of the RNC’s first night as a whole—a bunch of flunkeys yelling about the destruction of America while in the process of destroying America themselves. Predictably, Twitter had plenty of jokes.

The rest of the night was just as coarse as Guilfoyle’s propaganda minister audition. Donald Trump Jr. (also Guilfoyle’s boyfriend) looked so sweaty and bloodshot during his speech people wondered if he was high on coke. South Carolina Senator Tim Scott said Biden would turn the United States into a “socialist utopia” without any idea what the word utopia means. And Nikki Haley said basically all the same things about Democrats destroying America using her patented Reasonable Republican voice, but all that really did was cast the truly batshit Trump surrogates in an even more unfavorable light.

There was hardly any mention of COVID-19 outside of blaming China for its spread and America’s economic downturn. Where the Democratic National Convention chose to acknowledge and (at least performatively) mourn the 177,000+ dead from coronavirus, the RNC simply ignored them or any other statistic that might cast aspersions upon their dear leader. There were no specifics or policy at all, really, as was the plan. Speakers railed against cancel culture and its ill effects; Trump Jr. even had the balls to call the GOP “the party of free speech” and inclusive to everyone (except immigrants, Black Lives Matter protestors, and everyone else who doesn’t lick the president’s wet socks).

The RNC was always going to be a condensed culture war. Trump and his party don’t have anything to offer besides his patented racism and calling Democrats literal enemies of the state. Still, the RNC managed to exceed its dystopian expectations, providing the perfect time capsule video content for Americans in 2041 learning about how the United States morphed into an openly fascist dictatorship. At least we’ll all be underwater by then.