Is it OK to Body Shame The Alt-Right?

Richard Spencer is down on his luck and begging for money on YouTube. He’s being sued for his involvement in the Charlottesville white nationalist march and needs $25,000 to cover legal fees. It’s not surprising or upsetting to hear that Spencer’s getting sued. Whether he wants to admit to it or not, he was an instrumental part of an event created to terrorize a community that led to Heather Heyer’s death. He deserves to be drained of every last miserable penny.

What is unexpected is how awful Spencer looks. The man once touted as a “dapper white nationalist” has gone to seed. So let’s have some fun with it.

In the video, Spencer is dressed like a 16-year-old making his first appearance in the juvenile justice system. None of the fabrics or patterns match or complement each other. It’s ironic someone as racist as Spencer seems to have trouble literally seeing color. His sport coat looks like it was sold at a Spirit Halloween store as part of a costume. And there’s little I can say about his tie and pocket square combo that hasn’t already been said about the Charlottesville tragedy: it’s a shameful mistake that will hopefully become a teaching moment for future generations.

It sure seems like the pressure of being America’s most famous racist has gotten to Spencer. He’s self medicating with carbs, salt and sugar. Saturated fats are seeping out of his skin and his face looks smeared by bacon grease.

The centimeter of clearance between tie and collar is a huge weight gain tell. He needs a wider-necked collar but his dumb aryan vanity won’t let him up-size. Also, the white backdrop and direct lighting isn’t doing Spencer’s bloated potato head any favors.

But in all seriousness, put down the pork chop, Spencer. Do you want to be a Himmler or a Hammler? You know that Joseph Goebbels’ name isn’t pronounced “gobbles,” right? The real Nazis wouldn’t want you. Do you think you could join the Panzer division? You could barely squeeze into the sweat pants-er division. Maybe you could join the KKK if don’t mind how your melon head would swell up the bottom of the hood and make you look like an onion.

There’s some good news for Spencer. At least when he’s too tepid in his white nationalist ideology to be part of the alt right, his fellow racists won’t joke that he belongs in the “alt-light.” Nobody would ever call a man as heavy as Spencer “light.”