How to Neutralize Bad Thanksgiving Arguments

Thanksgiving is a holiday where families and friends come together to give thanks. Discussing politics usually does the opposite and makes you wonder how you could be related to such dolts. There’s a lot to parse in the political realm this year, but during such a weird time all you probably want to do is eat and go (or stay) home. So, we’ve come up with a few quick replies to dumb political statements you might hear and how you can turn some potential arguments into agreements. If these don’t work, just talk about how good the food is.

“There’s no way we elected Joe Biden … he can’t even complete a sentence! He’s on adderall and speed so he doesn’t fall asleep during speeches!”

Response: Thank you for bringing up prescription drugs, the prices are through the roof!

What better way to pivot away from unhinged claims about Biden’s drug use to the absurd cost of prescription drugs? Americans spend more on prescriptions than any other country in the world by far, and pharmaceutical companies regularly price gouge even the most basic drugs like insulin. Sadly, the opioid epidemic is something virtually everybody has been affected by, either directly or indirectly. Turn a fringe point into something you can agree upon.

“Cops are under attack! Police are people too!”

Response: They are people too, people who are overworked! They’re asked to do too much, how can they possibly handle it all?

This is equal parts sarcastic fodder as well as a coy way of advocating for defunding the police. Since so many liberals are scared shitless of that wording, maybe introducing the idea instead of the slogan could make some headway. It creates a sliver of sympathy for cops which isn’t exactly necessary, but might help someone more easily understand why defunding is actually a good idea. If that doesn’t work or things get a little more tense, here are some helpful rebuttals for racist talking points.

“I don’t care what Biden does in office … at least he’s not Donald Trump!

Response: True, anyone is better than Trump! But at least he reminded us that it’s important to be skeptical of who holds power.

Wine moms and brunch millennials are super excited to ignore politics and look the other way with the Biden administration. It’s almost guaranteed you’ll hear something like this at your Thanksgiving table or some other awkward (and hopefully socially distant) gathering this holiday season. It’s the perfect opportunity to nudge a gentle reminder that Trump’s terrible leadership and cabinet members are exactly why every single member of the federal government should be held accountable for the terrible views and past actions, both by responsible journalists and an informed electorate. Just don’t word it like that—say the stuff above.

“Trump still has a chance! The state electors can still vote against Biden!”

Response: Wild! Isn’t this an unbalanced system, where electors are appointed to vote for people who voted already and states are awarded a certain number of points? It’s almost like only five or six states matter every election!

Congratulations, you just received the perfect setup to talk about how stupid the Electoral College is. Just don’t use the actual words “electoral college” and you’ll be fine—pretty much every aspect of it is agreeably dumb. The main argument against it is that moving to a popular vote system will overemphasize major population centers (particularly New York and California) while devaluing the rest of the country. But isn’t the current system kind of doing the exact same thing with different states? Get back to me on that one.