Just trying to have a good time at a music festival? Are you female?
Music festivals are supposed to be fun. You’re outdoors and you get to dance to some of your favorite bands playing live. Sounds like a dream.
But there are bumps in the festival road—especially for a girl. Here are seven of the biggest ones.
1. Unsolicited grinding
Just because it’s crowded and there’s music playing, doesn’t mean you have the right to put your crouch near anyone you want. In the words of YouTube star Jenna Marbles: “I do not want your junk grinding up on my ass. We do not know each other. This is all happening so fast. Can I get pregnant from this?”
2 The hero
A sneak-attack grinder dude won’t leave you alone, so some stranger comes to your rescue. Except, that stranger turns out to be just as bad. What’re you gonna do?
3. Drink purchase entitlement
Yes, we all know the drinks are overpriced at festivals. But just because you decided to drop $15 on a PBR for some girl you think might be your manic pixie dream girl does not mean this girl owes you any more than a god damn “thank you.”
4. Not a Groupie
Apparently, any girl backstage is a groupie until proven otherwise. VIP? Oh, you must be a groupie: If you saved up to purchase that super expensive VIP ticket, work in the industry and get special access or are even in one of the freakin’ bands get ready to defend yourself the entire time.
5. Inevitable style judgment
There is nothing, let me repeat, nothing you can wear as a female at a festival that you won’t be judged by. Decide to bring comfy clothes since you’ll be living in a tent for the next few nights? You’re the uncool girl. Decided you wanted to feel confident and brought your fanciest outfits? You’re the spoiled rich girl whose parents probably bought your tickets. Thought, “when in Rome,” and brought your most festival inspired outfits? You’re that druggy girl who will probably hook up with anyone.
6. Watch your drink
This should be a rule for everyone. But for some reason, it’s usually a warning only geared towards women and as a woman going to a music festival, you’re probably going to hear that warning a lot. Why is that? Wake up. We’re living in rape culture, and festivals follow those rules.
All the men shit in them, but they piss wherever their little hearts desire. Us gals don’t have that same kind of luxury. (Unless you’re brave enough—if so, I salute you.) Festival port-a-potties are some of the most disgusting things ever to be witnessed.