Four Reasons You Should Stay Home on Black Friday

There is literally no reason to wake up at some ungodly hour and drag yourself over to Toys ‘R’ Us to get in a fistfight over an Elmo doll.

And yet, Black Friday persists.

Black Friday has eclipsed Thanksgiving as an annual event. But the crowds and violence are not worth whatever steeply discounted gadget you think you’re getting.

I know, it sounds suspicious. The promised bargains are tempting. You might think this writer is trying to trick us in hopes of absconding with the biggest, cheapest flat screen herself. But please, trust me. You’re better off at home sleeping off your turkey hangover. Black Friday isn’t worth the trouble.

Your super cheap TV might just be a bad TV
We live in a terrible, terrible world. Things that sound too good to be true are often just not true. Retailers often stock up on cheaper goods specifically for the holiday and pass them off higher quality so you think you’re getting a hella deal. TVs can claim to be be HDR compatible even if all they do is read HDR signal, which is different from displaying it. You just bought a steeply discounted piece of plastic that’s worth far less than the sale sticker price.

Plenty of these deals are available throughout the year
Tech prices may plummet on Black Friday but its true glory moment is Cyber Monday. As for apparel, tons of retailers offer the same sales throughout the year. Plenty of stores have been swimming in Black Friday discounts earlier in November. It’s also common for stores to bleed their Black Friday/Thanksgiving sales straight through December until Christmas. Then the post-Christmas sales begin. Those knock-off leather boots aren’t going anywhere.

Actual fights
People have been trampled to death, shot, pepper sprayed and seriously injured in the name of Black Friday. Customers have formed violent mobs and bowled over employees in pursuit of video game systems and winter coats. No shopping extravaganza is worth it.

Stores that open on Thanksgiving Day belong in hell
The ultimate stupidity that is Black Friday is it isn’t even Friday anymore. More and more stores are opening on Thanksgiving, some as early as 6 a.m. Some open in the evening and stay open all night and into the following day. The result is employees have to clock in and mediate fights over discount Dyson vacuums. Some stores have gotten flack in the past for refusing to honor requests for the day off and even threatening to terminate employees who don’t work. And true, these stores generally compensate with time-and-a-half but plenty of employees would rather have Thanksgiving with their families. Not unreasonable, unless you’re living in the United States of Crazyland.

None of this is to say you can’t shop on Black Friday. Engage in fisticuffs, if it tickles your fancy. But at least have the decency to wait until Friday, instead of making a Target employee ring up your uber-discounted decorative ball of twine at 9 p.m. on Thanksgiving.