Every ‘Game of Thrones’ Scene I’ve Watched is Torture Porn

A few years ago, my friend sent me a YouTube video with renaissance-looking people getting their throats slashed at some wedding before a pregnant lady is mercilessly stabbed in the stomach.

My first thought was, “what the actual fuck is this?” My second thought was “there is no way in hell I’m watching this show.”

“The Red Wedding” scene from ‘Game of Thrones’

That was my introduction to Game of Thrones. I kept to my word about not watching it. Since seeing that scene, I’ve watched a total of about 10 minutes of Game of Thrones and always by accident.

I’m not showing off that I’ve never seen Game of Thrones. I would love to watch and chit-chat about this benchmark in my generation’s pop culture. I just can’t handle the stress.

Since that fateful text, I’ve seen clips here and there on TVs at bars and scrolling through social media feeds. The scenes have either been brutal battle scenes or torture scenes that seemed a little too creative. It just makes me wonder if we’re a generation of masochists punishing ourselves with this show.

I usually don’t have a problem with gore. I’m a huge fan of horror movies old and new. Halloween’s my favorite holiday; every year I douse myself with buckets of fake blood. I even go to haunted houses that are so intense they make you sign liability contracts before entering. You’d think I’d get the allure of Game of Thrones, but I really don’t.

From the outside, Game of Thrones seems like an entire series of people getting tortured or killed for the sake of shock. This week, I saw a Game of Thrones scene on a TV at a bar. Some naked guy was posted up on a crucifix, covered in blood and getting tortured. My friend told me that if I thought that was bad, I should watch the episode of some guy getting his dick chopped off.

Quick question GoT fans: why would you think something like that would make me want to watch this show? Seriously, what part of dick-chopping is fun to watch?

Stop me if I’m wrong. But from what my friend described, it sounded like some guy was tortured, then some sexy ladies turned him on. And then right when he got fully erect the girls are taken away and some guy comes in and chops that boner clean off. Maybe if I knew the context of why this dick is being chopped off I’d understand why that kind of torture is necessary.

But, I’d also like to point out that no one has actually told me what this show is about.

After all the conversations of castration and murder porn, I usually ask why. What’s going on in this show that this crazy kind of shit is going down? I either get in response, “it’s way too much to describe” or “you just have to binge it.”

Well, I’m sorry. But I think I’ll stick with my classic Patrick Bateman-like psycho killer characters, standard zombie end-of-the-world scenarios or basic demon possessions for my murder porn, thank you very much.

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