Halloween just doesn’t feel right this year. Trick-or-treating is either altered or cancelled, parties won’t be the same, and the holiday is hitting right in the middle of the most all-consuming election cycle we’ve ever seen. Who’s had the time to even come up with a costume?
Even if you’ve waited until the last minute, you can still show up to your (hopefully socially distant) Halloween party with something low effort and timely to prove you’re up on the news and knee-deep in all this political shit. You might even get a laugh or two. And no, we’re not talking about Rudy Giuliani reaching into his pants. We’re classier than that. Well … not really. You be the judge.
McConnell more resembles a turtle, but he’s taken on a real lizard-person feel as of late. No one really knows what’s wrong with his hands, but it should be easy to replicate—just buy some blue and purple paint, glom it on your hands, and slap some bandaids on once your mitts are dry. Finish this costume off with a white wig, round specs, and evil laugh for maximum effect.
Trying to figure out what he is laughing about. pic.twitter.com/1bF0TuOBzy
— Claire McCaskill (@clairecmc) October 13, 2020
Pack The Court
Find yourself an empty cardboard box (any material is fine, really), clearly label it with the word COURT, and just go around whatever party you’re at and start packing things into it. It’s not much of a thinker, but this close to Election Day your woke friends are sure to love it. Plus if anyone tries to take back the stuff you put in the box, you can accuse them of wanting to unpack the court, which in this political environment is totally not cool, man.
Shirtless Hunter Biden
This one is as low effort as it gets. Run a bath, take off your shirt, throw a cigarette in your mouth and take some forlorn selfies—some with your head partially submerged underwater, but all looking very sad and defeated. The more pathetic you look the better. Just don’t answer the door for any trick-or-treaters.
When you do drugs, is it compulsory to lie shirtless and dazed in bathtub for a photoshoot like #HunterBiden. I always see this in movies. Laying in a cold, ceramic bathtub with no water seems super uncomfortable! pic.twitter.com/04jC9nrUl5
— TricepBrah (@TricepBrah) October 14, 2020
When you’re walking around the party, just endlessly side-eye people while they’re talking and hit them with an over-emphasized “excuse me” if they even slightly interrupt you. This is more of an act than a look, but bonus Halloween points if you can pull off a pantsuit. Double bonus points if you carry around a flyswatter.
Scary Kimberly Guilfoyle
Another easy one—just answer every question with an emphatic “THE BEST … IS YET … TO COME!” Also randomly shout it at people and strangers until your voice goes hoarse. This is another that’s more of an act than a costume, but if you can pull this off in your best red dress and way-too-much eyeshadow, go for it.
Probably the easiest one on the list. Just wear a shirt or hold a sign that says “I’m Q,” and boom. True QAnon heads will get it. And if they question you, so what? How the fuck would they know you’re lying? Q is anonymous! That’s like his whole deal! Although maybe brush up on some fresh QAnon message board stuff just to stay current.
Woah! Remember when Michael Bloomberg spent like a billion dollars to run for president for two months? Your friends probably don’t and here’s the perfect chance to remind them. Just buy a Bloomberg 2020 shirt and walk around the party telling everyone you’re not a socialist and that Trump is a bad businessman. This costume comes with the added benefit of getting to leave several hours early without anyone really noticing or remembering you were even there.