Didn’t we just have a debate? It doesn’t matter, because it’s time for the next one. The DNC clearly wants us to suffer through these week after week, so much so that they’re rolling out Michael Bloomberg to make his Democratic debate debut. He’s not even on the ballot in Nevada, where this debate is held. But that, of course, doesn’t matter.
The DNC changes the rules to rig the game for their favored candidate. And naturally, when creating a drinking game we have to do the same. The difference is we actually like you and want good things to happen for you. Like getting appropriately drunk on a Wednesday evening.
Here are the drinking rules for debate number nine.
Take a Drink If …
Michael Bloomberg’s is attacked about his sexual harassment allegations and/or stop-and-frisk. Bloomberg’s weaknesses as a candidate are legion. Turns out it’s easy to come up with political hits against a guy with more than 60+ sexual harassment allegations and who perpetuated racist policing throughout his tenure as New York mayor. Expect his opponents to do so, and expect to drink.
Bernie Sanders faces a question or attack about mean “Bernie Bros.” Sanders is the clear frontrunner after winning Iowa and New Hampshire and his fellow candidates have begun treating him like one. The Bernie Bro attack line has been the go-to for Sanders’ opponents thus far and that charge is certain to get amped up during the debate. Finish your drink if a moderator or candidate prompts Bernie to denounce his “hateful online support” right there on stage. While we’re at it …
Anyone uses the following phrases: Bernie Bro, hateful online support, electability/electable, one percent, billionaire class, inclusive, infighting. Some gimmes for your drinking pleasure.
Any candidate attacks Michael Bloomberg for buying his way into the primary. Sanders, Warren and just about every other candidate have criticized Bloomberg for paying his way into political relevance. And frankly they should, because it’s bullshit. Bloomberg is polling between second and fourth in many national polls, and hasn’t had to meet any of the fundraising thresholds the rest of the candidates did to get here. Expect them to mention that.
Any time Bloomberg loses his temper. Bloomberg has notoriously thin skin and hasn’t yet faced open fire from his opponents. Odds are good he’ll lose his cool and offer up some kind of death glare or angry response. You’ll know this when you see it.
Joe Biden discusses his poor early primary results Iowa was bad for Biden and New Hampshire might’ve been worse. He now needs to convince voters he’s still viable. Finish your drink if he says something along the lines of “we’ve still got 48 primaries to go.” In fact …
Any candidate says some form of the phrase “we’ve only had two primaries so far.” 48 states to go, they want to be president of “all 50 states” not just Iowa and New Hampshire, there’s a lot of primary left … any of this corny bullshit.
Every time someone mentions Nevada’s Culinary Union. Following Sanders’ New Hampshire victory, several candidates attacked the Vermont senator for his desire to kick hard working people off their union-negotiated health plans. Sanders said that wouldn’t happen during the M4A transition and has consistently been the most pro-labor Dem candidate, but the attack stuck for half a day which means it’ll come back during the debate and you’ll drink.
Elizabeth Warren attacks Bernie Sanders. Warren led the Culinary Union charge against Sanders and seems eager to go at him whenever asked. Whatever broke between these two hasn’t been fixed. And likely won’t be. Debate No. 9 could be when Warren decides to pull the gloves clean off and attack Sanders openly.
Pete Buttigieg says he’s the only candidate who’s not part of the Washington establishment. Technically not true with Bloomberg in there, but this has been a pet line of Mayor Pete in an attempt to compensate for his political inexperience. Doesn’t hold much sway when you’re taking money from 40+ billionaires, but go off.
Amy Klobuchar attempts a terrible joke/bad pun. Probably the best staple rule we have. Klobmentum is real, and Amy is gonna want to show the American people more of that earnest, slightly angry, not-very-funny personality. Her jokes stink, but by god, she’s gonna make ’em—and you’re gonna drink.
Bloomberg Goes Grunge
— Arick Wierson (@ArickWierson) February 18, 2020
Finish Your Drink If …
Moderators ask any candidate if they’ll support X in the general election. This is a holdover from debate No. 8, and it’ll probably apply for the rest of the primary. Bloomberg throws in a whole new wrinkle, as well as a whole new crop of voters who refuse to hold their nose for him.
Anyone utters the phrase “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Pour another if they namecheck a char
Warren mentions her campaign’s “erasure.” Many of her supporters on Twitter are convinced the media and the DNC have begun ignoring Warren’s campaign after subpar finishes in Iowa and New Hampshire. It’s likely because her polling has somewhat tanked, but when she’s purposely omitted from a poll things get more suspicious. She probably won’t say anything, but if she does, pour up.
There's a pattern here…
-3rd in amassed national Dem delegates
-3rd in its own national poll (really tied for 2nd in MoE)
NBC/WSJ didn't even bother to include Warren in head-to-head matchups vs. Trump and Bloomberghttps://t.co/4hY1siB2eU
— Reed F. Richardson (@reedfrich) February 19, 2020
Klobuchar looks like she wants to kill Mayor Pete. This is another “you’ll know when you see it.” No one seems to like Mayor Pete, but Klobuchar appears to have a vicious hatred of him.
Chug The Entire Bottle If …
Klobuchar actually kills Mayor Pete. Don’t say we didn’t warn ya.
Biden says screw it and hits the blackjack tables halfway through.
Bloomberg manages to convince Sanders and/or Warren that billionaires are OK once you get to know them. I don’t know, maybe he buys ‘em a nice watch or something. Did you know he’s worth almost $60 billion?
Klobuchar starts rattling off the proper names of heads of state from dozens of countries to make up for flunking Mexico.