Like everything else in the world, Cinco de Mayo feels different this year. The revelry and celebration are on pause or at least relegated indoors. But that doesn’t mean cultural appropriation or cringey social media drinking posts will stop—in fact, they’ll probably be at an all-time high. And what better way to celebrate their appropriative drinking with…appropriative drinking?
Listen, we’re not saying to stop your normal life to accommodate drinking endless tequila while making fun of internet dorks. And we’re certainly not advocating taking a drink for every single one of these you see. But we are saying it’s a possibility and could be fun.
Here are the drinking rules for Quarantine Cinco de Mayo.
Take a Drink …
When someone refers to it as “Cinco de Drinko.” This can be either online or in person. Cringe this bad knows no bounds.
When a white person posts about drinking margaritas on their Instagram story. Even with quarantine, the strongest Cinco de Mayo appropriative traditions will live on—including people using it as an excuse to get loaded off frozen drinks. And they’ll be posting about it.
When you see a tweet about how Cinco de Mayo is NOT Mexican independence day. Oh, you didn’t know about this? Well, it’s not. And every year people love reminding folks about it. Finish your drink if you come across an entire thread explaining the holiday (which is actually interesting, to be honest).
When you see a terrible Corona beer joke/post. Corona beer jokes were rampant at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic and have since died down. But you just know resident dads are gearing up to drop some cringe on the timeline.
For every Zoom happy hour you’re invited to with “Cinco de Mayo” in the title. Zoom is our new reality and we react accordingly. In fact …
For every person who uploads a Cinco de Mayo-related background in a Zoom call you’re on. Make it a double if the background is racist. Finish your drink if they use real props like a sombrero or fake mustache.
Finish Your Drink If …
Donald Trump tweets that he “loves Hispanics” or something along those lines. The president is having a rough time at the moment, so he might not have time for another heinous-looking taco bowl. But we know the man loves to tweet, and if he gets off a banger anywhere closer to his 2016 “I love Hispanics!” tweet, drink up. Actually just finish the whole bottle. The simulation is crashing anyway.