Bill O’Reilly: Nobody Cares Anymore

Bill O’Reilly, the former king of right-wing fearmongering, is finished.

Over the weekend, The New York Times reported yet another sexual harassment settlement, this time for $32 million. This was the largest settlement yet and shortly after, his agency UTA dropped him. Because nobody has time for Bill anymore.

The past year, O’Reilly was fired from Fox News after one too many sexual harassment lawsuits went public. He penned op-eds for The Hill (an embarrassing follow-up to leaving the pop cultural 24 Hour News arena). He published two books: Old School: Life in The Sane Lane and more recently, the latest of his Killing history series: Killing England. Old School. enough of his fans remained fans to buy but by the time Killing England came out, fan interest dwindled and it flopped.

He recently appeared on The Blaze radio with fellow blowhard Glenn Beck, to discuss the latest allegations. Beck defended O’Reilly, while the man whom he called a friend breathed heavily into the phone.

“The consistency of your behavior around me and my staff—we have toured together I have seen you on Friday nights, I have seen you in hotels, my staff has, and I have women who work for me and we’ve never had any problem whatsoever or an inkling that you might be one of those guys.”

Yeah, right. Just like how nobody in Hollywood had any idea Harvey Weinstein was Jabba The Hut, trying to make every aspiring actress into Slave Leia.

Unraveling before us, O’Reilly also went on his own web series, “No Spin News,” to rage at God.

“You know, am I mad at God? Yeah, I’m mad at him.” I wish I had more protection. I wish this stuff didn’t happen. I can’t explain it to you. Yeah, I’m mad at him.”

Just to clarify: Bill O’Reilly is mad at God for making Bill O’Reilly pressure women into hotel sex. Shame on you, God.

Bill: nobody cares about you anymore. Sure, you’ve been in the news a lot these past few days. There’s nothing any of us love more than relishing in the downfall of truly terrible people: Roger Ailes, Harvey Weinstein, any number of serial killers. But you’ve lost your empire. Nobody cares about you anymore, including God. Hate away.