Alex Jones is Growing a Beard to Win the Info War

The fight against globalists has gotten hairier.

Infowars frontman Alex Jones has been growing a globalist-beating beard for about a month. He announced its in a video with fellow human meatstick Owen Shroyer. And as a bearded American, I understand the power of well-groomed whiskers.

Jones’ beard fulfills a promise he made years ago to grow out his facial hair when info warriors finally “turned the tide” against globalists. And according to Jones, that’s happening now. President Trump’s high tariffs on various items will prevent globalists from “verticalizing economies” and turning the world over to multinational corporations. And thus, the beard was born.

The beard began back in early June. Thanks to the Twitter account tracking its progress, we can see how far it’s come. It appears Jones had some early struggles trimming his neckline, a common stumbling block for beard newbies. But as it’s grown in, Jones’ beard has done a wonderful job separating his head from his frog-like neck.

Still, Jones’ bristles leave a bit to be desired—especially in the moustache area. Could this embarrassing development be why Jones hasn’t grown out his facial hair since his early 20s? Perhaps. But it’s not the end of the globalist controlled-world. He should take a page out of Shroyer’s book and just shave those pathetic mustache whiskers clean off. Nothing says “alpha” like a smooth upper lip.

While he’s at it, why stop with a beard? There are plenty of things could do to continue the crusade against globalism. He could get a sick forearm tattoo or start wearing puka shell bracelets. The globalists are on their heels, and Jones is here to let us know, one meaningless physical feat at a time.