A Recap of All The Dicks in ‘Righteous Gemstones’

HBO’s The Righteous Gemstones is a comedy of epic proportions. It features an all-star cast portraying an extravagant, power-hungry megachurch family living in opulent mansions and flying the world in private jets. Among its many riches: an abundance of penises.

As a network, HBO has never shied from full frontal male nudity. One might even argue they’ve championed it. HBO programs currently occupy nine slots on BTRtoday’s Best of Streaming Penises list. Just four episodes into Righteous Gemstones, there’s been a striking amount of male genitalia—and not just for show, either.

Note: Mild spoilers ahead. Also NSFW.

Episode 1

Less than ten minutes into Gemstones, the show unveils its first penis in a cell phone video showing Jesse Gemstone (Danny McBride) snorting cocaine and cavorting with prostitutes. And though it’s early, it might wind up being the most important dick on the show, because it sets the series’ main plotline in motion.

Episode 3

Gemstones’ second episode didn’t show any dicks, but its third episode more than made up for it. Almost instantly, we get a shot of Walter Goggins’ Baby Billy Freeman (that’s his character’s name, not his dick’s) soaking in an outdoor tub overlooking a picturesque lake and mountains. Major Cialis commercial vibes here, at least until he stands up.

Roughly ten minutes later, we get a shot of Scotty, the show’s main villain, hopping out of his van in a muddy campground to pee. We don’t actually see his junk, but it’s worth mentioning as a passerby lets him know that “nobody wants to see that penis.” And if you use the word penis, it counts.

When thugs sent by a rival pastor destroy his new mall ministry, Dr. Eli Gemstone (John Goodman) pulls a gun on them and forces them to strip naked before forcing them to run through the mall. It’s the series’ first moment of true John Goodman badassery, which begrudgingly makes this most satisfying male nudity of the series yet.

Episode 4

Blink and you might miss it, but the Club Sinister scene offers up more junk. It’s also got blowjobs and goth sex galore, so this lone image that flashes before our eyes actually comes off as tame.

That’s it for now, but we have a feeling this list will have to be updated soon.