The Star Wars Sex Toys You Never Expected

Forget the “Slave Leia” bikini. It’s not only sexist, it’s too obvious to be erotic. You can use much wilder sex toys to blast into a galaxy far, far away.

Today marks the 40th anniversary of the 1977 movie Star Wars that started it all. What better way to mark the milestone than with C-3PO butt plug, by the geniuses at Geeky Sex Toys?

Courtesy of Geeky Sex Toys

Have a bad feeling about this? Don’t worry. Just relax and let the droid do the work. The C3-Plug is “fluent in over six million forms of communication.” Bonus, “with a speciality in anal arousal.” If you don’t think C-3PO is appropriate for BDSM consider this real C-3PO quote from The Empire Strikes Back: “Surrender is a perfectly acceptable alternative in extreme circumstances.” Does interfacing with a droid make you sense a disturbance in the force? Bring your Jedi wet dreams to life with a lightsaber dildo that glows even in the darkest side of the Force.

Or heck, if you have a vagina why not go for some double penetration with both? Write your own Darth Vader/droid fan fiction. Vader has every right to ask “who’s your daddy”—as The Phantom Menace revealed, Vader built C-3PO.

The creators of Geeky Sex Toys care about your health as well as your nerdy orgasms. All the toys are made of body safe materials. The robotic plug is metal and the dildos are made of body-safe silicone. To be extra safe, if you’re sharing the dildo with your friends (as true friends do), cover it with a “Saber Skins” condom to protect against STDs. Or use the Star Wars-themed condoms during penis-in-vagina intercourse to avoid an unwanted Sith Lord pregnancy.

Courtesy of Graphic Armor

For more hardcore Jedi kinksters who scoff at tiny plugs and plebeian dildos, presenting the latex “frozen carbonite” bed.

Courtesy of Kink Engineering

The latex enthusiasts at Kink Engineering made this “bed” so you don’t have to choose between your need to bone Han Solo and your desire to be fully encased in latex. Alas, the “sexy stormtrooper” is not part of Kink Engineering’s Han Solo sex suit. Never fear, just google the phrase and you will find the droids you’re looking for.

Speaking of kink, there’s also this Darth Maul BDSM flogger.

Courtesy of HKGLeatherProducts

Points off for lack of creativity, however. Anybody can make a black and red whip and name it after the famed Sith Lord. Where’s the double-ended Sith Lord dildo?

Need to stay warm during romantic nights on the ice planet Hoth? Forget the Tauntaun and turn to the Lightsaber Willy Warmer.

Courtesy Etsy.com

JaneCrochetStuff hand-makes us a “sock” decorated like a lightsaber and shaped like a phallus. Keep your own padawan warm and may the force be with you. Happy Star Wars Anniversary.

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