The Sweetgreen Con

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At the urging of a coworker, I recently tried Sweetgreen for the first time. I’ve been hearing rumblings about the superior quality of this salad chain. Friends told me that it wasn’t your run-of-the-mill salad bar. That the ingredients are fresh, organic, and delicious, with downright genius combinations.

Given that there’s an installation of the restaurant just a few blocks away from the office, it seemed fitting that I give it a go. To avoid what promised to be stiflingly long lines, we decided to order online. This required creating a Sweetgreen specific account, but it seemed worthwhile for the sake of expediting the process.

I opted for the OMG Omega salad (mostly because the name intrigued me) but guess what folks, this post isn’t really about the food. This is about a master plan that I’ve developed on how to get the food for free.

Sweetgreen’s online delivery system operates on what is essentially an honor system. What they may not have thought through, is that I’m not honorable.

You order from your computer, set a pick-up time, then go to the location you’ve selected and retrieve your bounty. Unlike most food pick-up protocols I’ve encountered, Sweetgreens does not have an intermediary once you arrive at the restaurant. They have a shelf located at the side of the restaurant, with the online orders sitting there–labelled by name, prepaid for.

That’s right. All of these lovely salads, without even a slightly watchful eye kept over them. They just assume that those who take the salads from the wall are those who ordered them. BUT THEY DIDN’T FACTOR IN HOW STEALTH AND CLEVER I AM. NOW I KNOW WHERE THE SALADS ARE. I KNOW WHERE THE FREE SALADS ARE. AND I WILL TAKE MY REWARD.

Alright, I guess this is less a “con” than it is outright stealing. And furthermore, the victims here would just be other lunch-goers like me who wanted a quick, convenient, and tasty lunch. And really, I suppose by putting this information out into the world I am subjecting myself to the same potential treatment if I should ever choose to utilize my Sweetgreen account again.

So, I take it all back! Just buy your own salad! Be a good citizen of the world!