More Bad Cleanses

You may have read the recent Dish and Drink about what is possibly the best cleanse of all time; The Taco Cleanse.

Alternatively, another post-holiday cleanse is making the rounds–and it sounds just about as unsatisfying as you can imagine.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you The Soup Cleanse, a dietary fad in which one consumes all soup all the time (supplemented by sad excuses for real food, like celery sticks, almonds, or cucumbers).

Angela Blatteis, one of the authors of cookbook “The Soup Cleanse: A Revolutionary Detox of Nourishing Soups and Healing Broths from the Founders of Soupure” says “Soup is food,” in what is quite possibly simultaneously one of the most obvious and most depressing statements of all time. She goes on to explain that, unlike juice, soup actually is actually nutrient rich and therefore is a decent meal substitute.

She’s not wrong: soup is food…kind of, I guess…except that you pee it out and it inevitably leaves you feeling hungry only minutes after consumption. The cleanse boasts weight loss and general energy boosts. It also sounds like something that daycares and geriatric homes would love.

“You don’t feel deprived at all,” said actor Michael Chiklis, whose statement proves only that he’s good at his job.

Sorry, I think I’ll stick to solid foods.