Clinton Staffer's Secret Risotto Tips Leaked

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This election season has had its fair share of scandal and exposure–from Donald Trump’s reprehensible comments about women (among other things) to the ongoing scrutiny surrounding Hillary Clinton and her use of a private email server. One thing is for sure, there are all sorts of secrets these candidates would’ve preferred to keep private.

One of them being, apparently, a Clinton staffer’s bomb-ass risotto recipe.

In the most recent breach of Clinton’s private emails, published on Wikileaks last week, campaign chairman John Podesta was revealed as being quite the masterful risotto chef!

In an unearthed email exchange between Podesta and high powered financial advisor Peter Huffman, Huffman questions the labored directions for cooking risotto which Podesta apparently taught him, and Podesta defends his honor.

Huffman wrote, “So I’ve been making a lot of risotto lately…and regardless of the recipe, I more/less adhere to every step you taught me. Question: Why do I use 1/4 or 1/2 a cup of stock at a time? Why can’t you just add 1 or 2 cups of stock at a time b/c the arborio rice will eventually absorb it anyway, right? [sic]”

Podesta responded, in part, “Yes it will absorb all the liquid, but no that’s not what you want it to do. The slower add process and stirring causes the rice to give up it’s starch which gives the risotto it’s creamy consistency. [sic]”

Note the brusk tone of Podesta as Huffman dares to question him and his methods, and the strangely abbreviated nature of the exchange; HOW COME HUFFMAN IS IN TOO MUCH OF A HURRY TO WRITE OUT THE WORD “BECAUSE” AND YET HE HAS ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE GODDAMN RISOTTO?

Furthermore, I really like to imagine the context in which this risotto lesson took place to begin with. Did Podesta join Huffman in his kitchen, both of them clad in their business suits (covered of course by handy aprons)? Did they listen to NPR talk radio and giggle while they took turns stirring the pot with their hand carved wooden spoons?

Much like the entirety of the reprehensible private lives of this cycle’s candidates, we might never know the full extent of this exchange.

That said, Podesta’s theory about the starch was actually debunked by The Food Lab, who say that the starch to which he refers is actually present from the beginning, and its release and distribution has nothing to do with stirring or slowly adding moisture.

It seems that Podesta’s explanation may be nothing more than another politician’s careful posturing to cover their own ass.