Clinton's Cookie Conundrum

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Here’s a quick little history lesson: back in 1992, when Bill Clinton was running for president, Hillary herself was prodded about her decision to continue pursuing her career, rather than taking the traditional (read: heteronormative) route of previous presidential spouses and put her work on hold in order to support her husband.

Her response stopped gender biased reporters dead in their tracks, as she said “You know, I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession, which I entered before my husband was in public life.”

Damn, you go Hillary.

As a tongue-in-cheek rebuttal, Family Circle Magazine decided to begin the now traditional Cookie Poll; in which the partners of presidential candidates submit their personal cookie recipes.

Of course, these spouses have up until now been female, and the poll is an absurd and offensive nod towards sexist norms that women belong in the kitchen. Now, though, for the first time, a husband rather than wife of a candidate has submitted a recipe. And, interestingly enough, it’s the very man who Hillary proclaimed she wouldn’t give up her professional aspirations for! Kind of amazing.

However, his recipe is lackluster to say the least.

Firstly, Bill Clinton is a vegan (how are we not talking about this more?) and his Chocolate Chip recipe is chalked full of eggs, shortening, and butter. Not exactly void of animal bi-products! How could he possible know how they taste and endorse them when he can’t even eat the darn things! Why didn’t he just go for it and commit to submitting a vegan recipe (besides the fact that vegan desserts are a waste of space and resources). Was that too risque, did the campaign fear that it would alienate the essential, moderate and traditional base?

And, secondly, his recipe adds no twist, no variety, no je ne sais quoi! Classic Clinton: boring and basic, but adequate. Nothing to get people too excited, but nothing to upset them either. Straight down the middle.

At least it sounded better than Melania’s cookie recipe; which involved, like, sour cream and shit. Gross.

Clinton’s cookie is the lesser of two evils I suppose.