Clear Coffee Is Here. But Why?

Have you ever woken up, taken a sip of coffee and thought “I wish that this looked like water and tasted worse.”

No? Me neither. But that hasn’t stopped Clear Coffee (or CLR CFF, as it appears on the product’s label) from creating what just might be the least enticing new coffee product on the market. The drink is—you guessed it—clear. And it tastes vaguely of coffee. The Slovakian company’s website boasts “CLEAR COFFEE is the first colorless coffee drink in the World. [sic]”

However, just because a good or service is the first and only of its kind, doesn’t necessarily make it a million dollar idea. Originality is one thing, but successful innovation is quite another. CLR CFF, though admittedly an inventive drink, may not have the chops to cut it alongside its more established coffee counterparts.  

The beverage was created by two brothers, Adam and David Nagy. They say their closely guarded process for producing a coffee drink without the distinctive brown color results in a unique, low calorie beverage that will make you feel good about your coffee habit.

They told The Standard; “The production method is based on physical processing and doesn’t include any chemicals.” Furthermore, the drink is free of sugars, stabilizers, preservatives, and sweeteners. Arabia coffee beans, water, and some added compensatory caffeine are the only ingredients for this strange coffee copycat.

The brothers say the drink was developed to avoid the dreaded teeth staining that accompanies original coffee. CLR CFF’s website insists that this is the perfect drink for you “if you are looking for a refreshing coffee but you want to keep your smile white.”

But at what cost? Things that bring us pleasure often have consequences: drinking too much alcohol may leave you with a hangover, in delicious fatty foods make you fat and your morning cup of Joe just might make your smile a little dingier. Perhaps this is just the universe’s way of encouraging moderation. Who are we to interfere with cosmic order?

Reviews of the coffee drink are thus far lukewarm. Metro UK accounts that the flavor is, well, odd: “Imagine making a cup of coffee and then forgetting to wash it out. The next day, you add cold water to get the very last dregs of flavor out of the wet beans—and that’s what this tastes like. Water…but an aftertaste of coffee.”

To make matters worse, CLR CFF’s Instagram page is decidedly try-hard: chock-full of pseudo-inspirational and aspirational imagery. Aside from beautiful smiling models posing in athletic gear and holding bottles of the drink, the account is sprinkled with corny, self important quotes like: “Don’t be afraid of being different, be afraid of being the same as everybody else.” and “Sometimes I think I’m crazy because I see things differently from everybody else.”

Calm down CLR CFF. You’re not curing cancer here.

Personally, I think I’ll stick to classic coffee. And if my teeth get stained as a result, I’ll just start using a straw. That’s innovation. 

The curious can order it online here.