The Spaghetti Donut Has Arrived

Enough is enough. The gates of hell have opened, and Satan is serving hors d’oeuvres. What’s on the menu, you ask? Fucking spaghetti donuts, people. SPAGHETTI DONUTS.

Sorry to break it to you, but this nightmare scenario is, in fact, real. Except the “gates of hell” is actually Smorgasburg, and “Satan” is Pop Pasta. The spaghetti donuts are still, unfortunately, spaghetti donuts.

Already being hailed as this year’s ramen burger, this new fusion food is twice as offensive and half as original. I’m sorry to be harsh, but seriously, why? Why in the world is it necessary to combine these two disparate food groups? What monster would decide to sully the name of these two classic treats?

And what’s the big deal anyways? The shop offers a few basic variations: aglio e olio, red sauce, carbonara, bolognese, and zucchini and garlic. It’s not that innovative in terms of flavor profile. Basically, it’s just hand-held pasta! Which, now that I’m thinking about it, kind of sounds super convenient and kind of delicious. Obviously it’s nearly impossible to eat pasta on the go, and I’ve been saying for years that there aren’t enough portable, savory, pastry options for those of us who lack a sweet tooth.

Wait…could the spaghetti donut, in fact, be the answer to my prayers–the solution I’ve been waiting for all along? It’s seeming increasingly practical and more tempting by the second. Dammit. I’ve been broken. I’m in. Who did I think I was kidding? I’d eat the heck out of a spaghetti donut.

Smorgasburg is open on Saturdays in Williamsburg, and Sundays in Prospect Park. See you there.