Gwyneth Paltrow's Cafe Is Bourgeois AF

Outside of her impressive acting resume, Gwyneth Paltrow has come to be known for her unique brand of prescriptive lifestyle accoutrement which she promotes on her website, goop. And by “unique” I mean exorbitantly expensive and often deeply impractical. It seems that now this stylish guru is bringing her expertise (and somewhat cringeworthy twist) to a hyper-trendy organic cafe, where affluent health-nuts can slurp down smoothies and snap selfies.

The smoothie part is important, but the selfie part is what really makes this a story. In this absurd new organic cafe, called 3 Green Hearts, there is going to be a designated “Theater Room” where customers will be encouraged to take pictures of themselves pre and post-workout and post them to social media.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard anything quite so millennial centric. And I hope I never do again.

This bourgeois eatery will also offer meal delivery options, so that fit-focused-folks can receive custom packages of extremely deliberate, prepared diets, made with fresh foods largely free of soy, dairy, fat and–if you ask me–flavor!

Anyways, if you’ve got the money and the mind for it, you can make your way to this celebrity-backed shop on 59th street and scarf down plant-based smoothies while wearing a $125.00 T-shirt.

Or you can stay home and eat pasta in your sweatpants, like me. Now that’s a lifestyle choice I can endorse.