Welcome to 2017! We did it, we made it through the wilderness, 2016 is finally over. And that means we have a whole new year of horror and despair to look forward to! Just kidding, maybe it will be fine?
In honor of the year that was, I’d like to say goodbye to a few food trends of 2016 that will not be missed. You know what I’m talking about: the head-scratchers, the foodstuffs that snuck their way onto the menu at your favorite restaurant, only to leave you scratching your head and wondering what fresh hell was upon you.
There are a few to which we must say farewell, but I have no doubt that 2017 will whip up its own wonderful world of unnecessary food “innovations.” For now though, I would like to take a moment to tip my hat to the edible items I hope never to encounter again.
1. Rainbow Food: For some reason, 2016 was the year of dying your foodstuffs rainbow colored. And, by golly, was this a big ass mistake. Whether it’s bagels, grilled cheese, or coffee, I am of the opinion that making your food into a gimmicky technicolor nightmare is a big no-no. Let’s leave this one in the past, guys.
2. Vegan Stuff: Now, I’m not against being vegan, by any means! If your spiritual and moral compass leads you down that path, so be it. What I don’t like, though, is that the dietary choice has become some sort of cult-like lifestyle brand: seemingly more concerned with image and weight loss than actually being healthy, responsible, or ethical! I think it’s time to wave goodbye.
3. Elevated Toast: Listen, I love avocado toast as much as the next gal. But can we all just calm down about throwing crazy shit on crunchy bread for a second? Yes, of course it’s tasty, but come on, this isn’t anything new people! And I don’t want to spend $14.00 on it at a restaurant! It’s just not worth the hype!
4. Cauliflower Rice: THIS ISN’T RICE, PEOPLE. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY WOULD YOU CALL IT “RICE”? IT’S JUST GROUND UP CAULIFLOWER. WHAT AM I MISSING HERE?