The Best of Streaming Penises

Back in June, we published “The Most Important Male Nudity on Television” and you perverts loved it. Now, we’re upping the stakes: we searched the depths of the four streaming giants, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu and HBO Go, for all available dicks on TV and movies, whether current or over a decade old. We wanted to provide you with all the peen you need, without having to fork over extra bucks for Showtime or other streaming services like Vudu.

Of course, as you could gather from #MeToo, seeing dicks is not always welcome. Some of the full frontal male nudity on this list is graphic and potentially distressing, such as in The Deuce. Given that this is an “exhaustive” list, I include them. Watch only the ones you feel comfortable watching.

And of course, if we missed any please let us know. We can all help #FreeTheBacon together.

Boogie Nights, Netflix

This 1997 flick about a dishwasher turned porn star features an impressive 13-inch prosthetic latched onto Mark Wahlberg’s own goods. Of course, being that it is not Wahlberg’s actual penis, including it on this list is debatable. But it looks pretty real. Yell at me in the comments if you want.

The Crying Game, Netflix

The dick shot in this movie is also complicated. You see a penis, to be sure. But it’s that of transgender character Dil and the film tends to exploit and sensationalize her body, instead of challenging the hetero gaze. That said, it was radical for 1992 for putting transgender identity into a larger context (in this case, Northern Irish independence) instead of transness being the sum of a person.

The Deuce, HBO Go

This features several penises in the premiere alone. However, as Refinery29’s Ariana Romero put it, the show “frees the penis in the most unsettling way.” Portraying the more disturbing aspects of sex work in 1970s New York, the featured penises come attached to some pretty revolting men. However, it’s a show about the good and bad realities of sex work then—and, arguably, now. So at least the dicks you see are dicks that further the story, instead of being grotesque for the sake of being grotesque.

Orange is the New Black, Netflix

Ho boy, do we see peen. It’s not sexy peen, by any means. In the first episode of season five, we see a guard’s flaccid penis as the female prisoners, who at this point have taken over the prison and taken the guards hostage, take his pants off to check a gunshot wound. Floppy and covered in blood, it’s a stark metaphor for gender reversal that occurs when the female inmates take over the jail.

The Leftovers, HBO Go

We get a few shots of the male member in this drama about the remaining members of humanity after two percent of the population vanishes. Show creator Daniel Lindelof told TVLine that he wants to “normalize” male nudity on tv. Speaking about the gender disparity regarding nudity, he said “the audience still has a very odd reaction to seeing male genitalia. Yet when they see female genitalia or naked breasts, they’re completely nonchalant about it.”

He’s fighting the good fight.

Togetherness, HBO Go

This comedy series features two couples living in the same apartment, struggling to keep the passion in their relationships. On the subject of the show’s full frontal male nudity, showrunner Mark Duplass expressed a similar sentiment to Lindelof, telling Vulture, “We have this sort of ongoing joke that we like to represent ‘balls equality’ in nudity, which to us is, any time a pair of boobs or a vagina comes out, we should be willing to pull out some frank and beans to match.”

Westworld, HBO Go

Like Game of Thrones, this show is rife with gratuitous nudity but it’s almost entirely female. In one scene, however, we get an impressive full frontal shot of a black male robot in for repairs. That he is black, and thus far the only male on the show to go full frontal, caused some to argue that while the scene challenges the gender disparity regarding nudity, it also reinforces the racist history of black men stereotyped as more barbaric than human.

Game of Thrones, HBO Go

It’s uncertain how many points GoT should get. True, they’ve shown some dicks throughout the show but not even close to the endless parade of perky breasts, taut labia, lady-on-lady fingering and girl butts.

Oz, HBO Go

HBO’s first one-hour drama series depicted the male member long before Game of Thrones freed the bacon. Of course, creator Tom Fontana respected his actors’ limits. As he told Vulture, “sometimes an actor can be hesitant to take his penis out, and sometimes just feel inspired to take his penis out.”

The Dreamers, HBO Go

This is an NC-17 rated movie about an American studying in Paris and living with a…questionably close brother and sister, so it’s not too surprising you see an erect penis. Still, the movie did well in its special release at 116 theaters in America. Fox Searchlight president of distribution called its $2.5 million take a “satisfactory release for a specialized film with a target audience.”

Kinsey, HBO Go

In this biographical drama about the founder of the Kinsey Institute, formerly the Institute for Sex Research, there’s a whole lotta nudity on both sides of the gender spectrum. Peter Sarsgaard, who plays Kinsey’s assistant, was reportedly nervous to do a sex scene with Liam Neeson, who plays the titular lead. His misgivings are understandable, given that Janice Dickinson one said he has “the biggest penis of any man alive.” On her sexual encounter with Neeson, she said “he unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out.”

Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds, Amazon Prime

There’s plenty of male nudity in this sequel to Eating Out, a film about a straight man pretending to be gay. In this one, a gay man pretends to be straight. The absurd premise aside, there’s plenty of male nudity for everyone.

Bronson, Hulu

The first and only score for Hulu. Tom Hardy, British hunk known for playing the big bad in The Dark Knight and the titular lead in Mad Max, stips down and grease paints up this semi biographical comedy-drama about a prisoner who spends most of his life in solitary confinement.

High Maintenance, HBO Go

A radically different vibe than Bronson, this chill stoner comedy features a diverse and changing cast. Given that one of weed’s most noteworthy effects is its positive effect on the libido, it’s not surprising that the show features frequent nudity. You see it all: boobs, butts, vulvas, penises and pubic hair. There’s something relaxing about a show that depicts some nice stoners lounging with their flaccid dicks out.

The Pillow Book, Amazon Prime

Known for his roles in Moulin Rouge! and as a young Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ewan McGregor is also one of the most relaxed actors when it comes to showing us his goods. He’s got nude scenes in numerous movies and, in addition to The Pillow Book, displays his package in Trainspotting, Velvet Goldmine and Young Adam. McGregor has a gift for making full frontal nudity natural, as opposed to doing it for shock value.

More recently, of course, McGregor, now 46, has not stripped down so readily. In 2011, he told The Express, “I’m getting older and the actresses stay younger. I don’t want to become Clint Eastwood, where his love interests seem 50 years younger than him. You never want female co-stars to feel like you’re taking advantage of the situation.” Here’s hoping McGregor doesn’t have his own #MeToo moment.

Shameless, Netflix

Like the younger McGregor, Shameless star Zach McGowan is chill about showing the goods. His character is a sex addict and, as he told HuffPost, “kind of a nudist. It wasn’t a big deal to him, so they wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to be a big deal for me.” His main concern was the odd butt pimple.

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