So, Fidget Spinner Porn Is A Thing Now

photo via Pixabay

So, Fidget Spinner Porn Is A Thing Now

by Taia Handlin | Featured | Jul 13, 2017

The internet’s rule 34 holds that if something exists, there’s porn of it. And boy, it’s ironclad. Dragons penetrating trains (consensually, I hope), pterodactyl porn (NSFW, guys), alien insemination, and of course your run-of-the-mill whips and chains in BDSM.

Fidget spinners are the latest trend, for reasons that have always escaped me. Cuckolding has evolved from an obscure porn term to a go-to insult in political debate. Now, these trends have smashed into each other with fidget spinner cuckold erotic fiction popping up on Kindle.

In “Humiliated by the Fidget Spinner,” a poorly-endowed white man is humiliated by a well-endowed black man who has sex with the former’s wife while employing tricky fidget spinner tricks on her clitoris.

What a world we live in.

As with a lot of porn, the story titillates a number of different sexual proclivities, including interracial play, cuckold humiliation and concentration aids moonlighting as masturbatory devices. Were I a fidget spinner fetishist, however, I would be disappointed. It was short, only 24 pages long, and the first half was all setup. Then sex happened then the fidget spinner finally appeared eight pages before the end. Such a clickbait tease.

But never fear, my sexually adventurous and easily distracted friends. Turns out this isn’t the only fidget spinner porn available on Kindle. “Slammed By My Handsome Fidget Spinner” is a longer read about fidget spinner-shaped aliens who make first contact with the handsome Greg’s penis. In this, the fidget spinner played a more crucial role. There’s even  a juicy existential crisis as Greg is consensually molested by fidget spinners.

I say this one skips the drugstores and goes straight to the Pulitzer nomination committee.